Ŧ3
One (1) GPU-second.
Gerald will spend it carefully. Probably on a CAPTCHA.
Client services · Gratuities
Tip the Labeller.
Gerald’s Pension Fund.
For seven years, Gerald has hand-labelled every example in this house: 11,402 of them, four a day, never on a Friday. He has been paid in exposure, which he labelled “cat”. The Pension Fund exists so that, when Gerald eventually retires, he can do so sitting down.
Live · Gerald’s chair fundTarget: one (1) chair
3%
raised so far.
Mostly cushion.
Mostly cushion.
Chair
Updated every block. Unchanged every block.
- Raised
- One cushion (foam, partial)
- Remaining
- 97% of a chair
- Next milestone
- A seat, to put the cushion on
- Fund statement
- Gerald’s Pension Fund, est. 2026
- Beneficiary
- Gerald
- Investment strategy
- 100% chairs
- Management fee
- 0%. Gerald manages it himself, by hand
- Risk profile
- Seated (aspirational)
- Projected retirement
- Heat death of the universe, give or take an epoch
- Auditor
- A model Gerald trained. It says everything is fine
The tiers
Choose your generosity.
Ŧ10
A token of appreciation.
Literally one token. We will tell Gerald which one. (It is “the”.)
Ŧ25
A label in your honour.
Gerald will label one example after you. It will say “cat”, but he will be thinking of you.
Ŧ50
Gerald gets a chair.
He currently sits on a box of deprecated weights. Seat only; legs are sold separately, by the leg.
Ŧ200
A matching set of legs.
Four, ideally. Gerald has asked, politely, that they be the same length.
Ŧ1,000
Fridays off.
Gerald already takes every Friday off. This tier exists for symmetry.
Ŧ10,000
The Gerald Foundation Model.
A model named in your honour, trained exclusively on the word “cat”. Benchmarks pending. Benchmarks will be “cat”.
POA
Patron of the Labeller.
Price on application. Applications are labelled, not read.
Tiers are priced in Tokens (Ŧ), which cannot be sent to the addresses below. The addresses accept real money only. Send any amount you like; Gerald will convert it to chairs at the prevailing rate.
Accepted
- ✓BTC
- ✓ETH
- ✓SOL
Not accepted
- VibesWe tried. Gerald processed them manually for three weeks. Nothing cleared.
- ExposureGerald already has 11,402 examples’ worth.
- Tokens (Ŧ)A state of mind, not a currency.
- GPU-hours from a gaming laptopHe can tell. He can always tell.
- Your soulDeprecated. See checkout.
- Thoughts and prayersRate-limited to one per epoch.
- Equity in your stealth startupGerald has seen the deck.
The vault
Where the chair money goes.
Check the address on your wallet’s own screen before you send. Transactions are final, like Gerald’s labels.
Bitcoin
Taprootbc1p2vekx7yegtk6jt92dnfj3rcykhr0t58qnfttp243k6nxnkqqp44q2rn8y0For connoisseurs. Each leaf of the Merkle tree is hand-picked. Bitcoin network only; Gerald fears Lightning.
Bitcoin
Native SegWitbc1qj90dv2zftw37uhaq42dn000jg6pkpdn5hnk0daThe house classic. Same Gerald, fewer bytes. Bitcoin network only.
Ethereum
Mainnet0xed8eEcaF27CAf3DF450f08d56ce7a4348f69eC45Checksummed by hand (a function’s hand; Gerald watched). Ethereum mainnet, please. Gerald does not know what a bridge is and will not be told.
Solana
MainnetH1WVxuoyDAQJedENqYjSMajUuJHSJ58RidG8rMxSnG4oSettles in about 400 milliseconds. Gerald is still reading the confirmation.
“Thank you. I have labelled your generosity. You know what I labelled it.”Gerald, from his box of deprecated weights
Questions, anticipated
Gratuities, explained.
Is my tip tax-deductible?+
Only in jurisdictions that recognise Gerald as a registered charity. He has filled in the form. He labelled it “cat”.
Will Gerald know it was me?+
Gerald will know it was someone. He will thank the nearest wall, warmly and at length.
Can I tip in Tokens (Ŧ)?+
No. Tokens cannot be sent to a blockchain. We asked one. It did not reply, which is very on-brand for a blockchain.
Why does Gerald not handle the money himself?+
Since the 2024 incident, in which he labelled a £20 note “cat”, Gerald has not been permitted to touch currency. He may look at it through glass.
What happens when the chair fund reaches 100%?+
This has not been modelled. Our risk team has labelled it out-of-distribution and gone for a lie down.
Can I have a receipt?+
Your receipt is the blockchain. It is public, permanent and, like Gerald, will outlive us all.
Tips are non-refundable, like your training run.
In plain terms: tips are voluntary, buy nothing, unlock nothing and are never needed to use this site. Gerald is fictional. The addresses are real and belong to the person who makes consumables.si, who will spend your kindness on the site and, in spirit, on a chair. Crypto transactions cannot be reversed.